The Art of Seduction
by SpellboundWinter
Summary: Tammy is on a mission to educate the most plain and boring of all the girls. Can she do it? Or will she fail and betray everything she believes in? Kammy and more inside. One-shot.


**A silly thingy I had on my computer for a while. It is no way serious.**

**KennyxTammy, TweekxRebecca, ClydexTammy, and if you squint CraigxTammy.**

* * *

><p>We all know that one girl in every group.<p>

The pretty girl who isn't pretty. The homely looking one. The girl who could pass up as a librarian. The girl who goes into the book store and everyone she assumes she's an employee by her poor fashion choices.

Yeah. Rebecca Cotswolds was that girl in our group.

She was boring and uninteresting. What makes matters worse is that she had no shape to her body. She wasn't daring like the other girls in our little group. Henrietta had a more colorful sex life while I think Rebecca's was nonexistent, scratch that, I know it was nonexistent! She had a boyfriend who was even lamer than she was. He was the one with the bad posture and the persistent bacne. Yuck.

You know what was hot and sexy to them? Putting fucking _puzzles_ together. That was totally wild and crazy. Sitting around on a Friday night playing a game of seduction called, 'put the cardboard thingies into holes to make a picture of a bunny'.

Gimme a break. I mean, Friday night is the international day of humping _like_ bunnies... or is that Wednesday? Every day is hump day for me, Tammy Warner.

And that's when little Rebecca, aged ripe at twenty started to doubt if she was good at anything in the romance category. She asked in that meek voice of hers, "W-what in the world do you mean by seduce? I think I am a practical partner. P-r-a-c-t-i-c-a-l."

I let out a giggle, I just had to pluck this wallflower and take her under my wing.

"Come with me. I'll show you everything you need to know about seduction." I gave her a come hither look, grabbing her wrist and dragging her away from Henrietta and Lizzy. "Let's call it, the art of seduction."

I felt a slight slack in the nerdy girl as she flung out of my hand.

The girl in the bubble gum parka, Lizzy, had a firm grip on Rebecca."You know Tweek is a complete rump ranger right? He's liable to use a rape whistle on her. Just because you're a slut..."

I placed my hands on my hips, laughing triumphantly. "That's a flat-out lie. What type of guy doesn't like a slut?" I snatched up nerd's wrist again as I initiated the tug-o-war from hell. Lizzy tugged and I tugged and so on.

Henrietta let out a smoke screen from her cigarette, standing away from the current conflict like a typical spectator. "Rebecca has no interest in any of this. You just want to scar her. Remember the drinking incident? You two ended up on the side of the highway with near North Park, barely aware of what was happening around you." she spat in that dark tone of hers. "Rebecca is obviously happy with her conformist lifestyle."

Another pull from both directions sent Rebecca into a squealing mess. "M-m-my humerus is dislocating from the scapula at the glenohum-AH!"

Lizzy sneered, "Tammy, you kitty puncher, let her go already!"

"Not on your life, you wannabe Kenny!"

A loud, quivery voice broke through our arguing...

"C-can't I have a say?! You guys are ripping me apart like Amaru the second!" Rebecca whimpered out, "Maybe I want to go with Tammy. T-a-m-m-y."

"Whatever," Lizzy said simply and the frizzy haired girl suddenly flew into me. She knocked me right off my feet and onto the sidewalk while Lizzy stood above us, unscathed.

Henrietta died out her cigarette with a quick pinch of her fingers, flicking it out into the road. "Well, since this is so obviously going to fail, let's make this interesting."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Lizzy gave the Goth a look before grinning evilly at the two of us on the ground. "A bet should suffice. Think of it as incentive." She snapped her fingers together as if a light bulb had appeared over her head. "If you make Rebecca into a successful whore by noon today then we'll take back everything we said. Never again will we make another comment about your skanky ways."

"And if I fail?" I said apprehensively.

Henrietta butted in, "Then you have to un-whore yourself. Plain Jane from now on. No more shorts or crop tops. It'll be sweaters and skirts forever."

I sat up, pushing the poodle girl from me and barking back defiantly. "I accept your challenge!"

The girl in the pink parka gave Henrietta a sideways glance. "Let's get shopping." The two strolled down the street in the opposite direction, Henrietta's heels clicking behind Lizzy's proud strut. Like a rooster or some crap. I just wanted to show them wrong. I know Rebecca could be a whore, deep down.

"Get up. I have a reputation I'd like to keep," I got to my feet, helping the frizzy haired girl as well. "Come on poodle girl."

"Uh, a-are you sure you can win this bet?" she spoke meekly.

"I have all the confidence in the world. Hey, why don't we get ice cream?" Rebecca gave me a perplexed expression. "Just come on."

We continued our little pilgrimage into the ice cream shop. Why? Well, you'll just have to see. I opened the door, making sure my certain blonde was working today. Rebecca came after, hiding behind my form like a frightened little dog. I swear, she is the embodiment of a poodle.

I, however, gave my dazzling smile to the dork who was staring into space behind the counter. "Hey Ken-babe."

"Tam-cat? What are you doing here?" Kenny blinked out of his daze. I have to give Ken here a lot of credit. The guy has an awfully odd relationship with me. On again-off again times twelve. He wasn't anything that special. Just a hick who happened to be a prick.

"Getting ice cream. I have to say, working here has a lot of advantages. It's so hot outside," I leaned into the glass, pulling at my shirt subtly as I acted like my ditzy self. And boy, I was sure Ken's eyes were going to flop right out of his sockets.

"I'm not sure what I want. Something sweet... Like you!" I giggled. Yup, no one can resist my charm. No one. Just one glimpse at my girls got myself backstage passes at a concert once. "I think I'll have a sundae. Two cherries. One red, one green."

Kenny nodded wordlessly, trembling hands fumbling with the scooper.

Rebecca hands clapped together as her teeth dug into her lips. The girl with the stupid red barrettes in her hair was too busy counting the tiles on the floor. Goddamn her.

Kenny prepared the sundae quickly, handing it over to me. He clicked a few buttons on the register. It made a loud chime. I pouted and whined over the sound, "Ken-poo! I don't have any money on me. Could I repay you some other way?" I suggested.

He nodded quickly, jumping out of his skin and eager for a little fun. "Uh, yeah. Dude, yeah! Like, I'll pay for this and I'll take you out Friday and..."

"Cool, see ya then." I yanked Rebecca, dragging her out of the shop.

I've thought of getting Rebecca a collar and leash, like a real poodle. She has the hair for it... why not, right? A cute little collar with studs and a leash that's bedazzled. Yes. So much yes.

As soon as we got outside, I shoved the sundae into her hands. She took it, sniffing it precariously. "And that's how you seduce someone."

Rebecca was too busy stirring the ice cream with her finger and making faces. "But I'm lactose intolerant... and I can't eat peanuts. Or chocolate. Or cherries-"

"Yeah, yeah. Alright," I snatched up the cup, tossing it behind me. It probably landed on the side-walk in a soupy mess. "But did you see the way he looked? Like in the cartoons? That's how you do it."

"By bribing him with sex for free ice cream? That seems a little illegal," Rebecca tilted her head, peering up at me and began to whisper in her hands. "P-r-o-s-t-i-t-u-t-i-o-n."

I placed my hands on her shoulders. I heaved a loud sigh and stared into her muddy colored eyes. "Soon my young whore, you'll learn. Then you'll be spreading your legs like a champ. Who knows, you might even end up in the porn business. I bet Tweek would like the new you."

Rebecca touched the sticky finger to her chapped lips, twitching and hissing loudly, "Please, t-t-teach me how?"

We continued our journey and I kept a keen eye on the guys around me. Then I found our second target. I ducked down and yanked her into the bushes with me. I couldn't help rubbing my hands together evilly. Rebecca glanced over to me and I was sure there was a bird trying to nest in that fluffy hair of hers. "W-what are we doing here?"

"See Clyde over there?" I whispered, squinting to look into the fairly lit bookstore window. Seeing the brunette nose deep in porn magazine, not giving a single care about the abundance of old people and kid that were walking near. "I'll show you how to seduce a stranger. Follow my lead and actually watch me this time."

We ducked out of the bushes and crossed the street in a hurry, dodging cars. I almost got run down by a large semi that just happened to be driving past. It was like playing the game Frogger but I was the frog. Thankfully, the nerd grabbed me and hauled me back. I shot her a quick thanks and we made it across the street, opening the store door with small chime.

Rebecca was immediately approached by an old woman about where the calendars were. See? Told you. But she was busy this time. She was on a mission. I approached the little old woman, pointing in a random direction and pushing the poodle girl as far away from the old crone as possible.

I plopped her by the magazine racks and I made my move, like a sly snake.

I didn't know much about Clyde, other than he was a fatty and a pervert. That and he was a shitty football player. A bachelor that wouldn't mind hooking up with a girl like me.

I slinked up next brunette, reaching out into the magazines and pulled one at random. I lowered it and turned to him abruptly, "Clyde? Clyde Donovan?" He shot me a look, his eyebrow raising. I tucked a bit of hair behind my ear with a sultry smile. "Wow, I haven't seen you since high school."

The notorious taco fiend opened his mouth. "And who are you?"

I put down the magazine, realizing it was lesbian porn. I giggled nonetheless, shoving it in the pocket as quickly as I could. "Well, you probably don't remember me. Tammy Warner. I used to go to all the football games. You were number twenty-three right?"

His face brightened considerably. Make eye contact? Check. Smiles? Check. Inflate his ego... "Yeah, I remember you."

Of course he didn't. I never talked to that fatass in my life.

"You were always so fast on your feet. You basically got the Cows to state." Check. I bit at my bottom lip. "To be completely honest, I always had the biggest crush on you. You're still just as handsome, if not more."

"Really now?" He leaned up against the case with a grin. "Why didn't you ever tell me that you liked me? I would have definitely made time for you."

"I was so shy," I started, inwardly gagging as I reached for him and gave him a light push. "I'm not so much anymore. I'm so glad I bumped into you, we should hang out." Is there anything the Raisins Girls didn't teach me?

He chuckled and he was oh-so obviously staring at my assets. "Yeah, I got a bit of a busy schedule but... I might have time for an old friend.."

"Well, whenever you have the time... my phone number is…" I craned my head back to see Rebecca was no longer standing where I set her. I huffed to myself, giving him the rest of my number in a hurry.

Clyde tapped his phone quickly, smiling up at me. "Let's do something on Sunday-"

I turned away from that blubber… blubber-man and stomped up to Rebecca who was too busy reading a book a few feet away. A book! She was supposed to be taking notes! I growled, whipping her around. "What do you think you're doing?!"

"Oh, I found this book on the brain and I…" before she could finish, I snatched her up by her collar and dragged her outside.

Soon we were wandering aimlessly and Rebecca was pouting more than ever. "I'm s-o-r-r-y, I'll never seduce anyone."

"It's fine, well, you're not blessed with my breasts or my sexy figure... or my looks. Maybe you should shuffle of that sweater and wear your blouse a little lower or roll your skirt a little higher? That would be a _little_ seductive," It was the third and final try. My eyes wandered over to a nearby alley. "Come on, I'll fix it up so you don't look like the type to hand out bibles."

A few moments of tucking, rolling and styling she was done. Unfortunately, I didn't have any makeup on me but that would just have to do. You can't put diamonds on shit.

"See, that's sexy and daring. Kyle would roll over in his grave." I admired my handy work. "How do you feel?"

"We-weird. And Kyle… i-isn't deceased."

I made a little, 'tsk' noise with my mouth, "Rebecca, girls that act sexy aren't smart."

"But I'm highly intelligent. G-i-f-t-e-d..."

Rebecca, she even looked nerdy with fewer clothes and fluffed up hair. There was no fixing her appearance but thankfully maybe she was catching on to my attitude. She was perceptive… right? I could only pray.

And I taught her everything I could. With a swift look at the time on my phone, it was time. It was noon.

We arrived at the coffee shop a few moments later. Henrietta and Lizzy were conveniently waiting for us. This was my moment of truth to see if my training had worked. I was sweating bullets honestly.

Lizzy stood, leaned up against the building. "So, this rugmuncher is going to try to give that buttmuncher a stiffy?" the girl in the pink parka scoffed with a smirk. "I can't wait to un-whore you. I'm going to make you so plain, every librarian in Colorado will look like a supermodel compared to you..."

As we stood there, I could visibly see Rebecca's legs clacking together in a nervous wreck. "I-I don't want to... to do this anymore. I-I don't... e-s-c-a-p-e."

She was going to run off but I caught her, snarling. "Rebecca, you're a stupid spoiled whore. I know it. Somewhere down in the deepest reaches of that geeky mentality is a confident woman." she was frightened, listening to my pep talk. "A whore isn't a bad thing, it's like, you're proud of who you are. Wear it like a badge. You're going to march in there, seduce Tweek. No more puzzles and shit! For once in your life Becks, grab life by the Kaunas and live. Go!"

The girl stood there with her mouth gaping. Then, out of the blue, Rebecca found her voice. "Y-you're right! I can do this! I _can_ do this!" And that girl walked loudly and proudly into that dinky coffee shop.

And then we pressed ourselves into the window, watching closely at the drama that would unravel.

"And in that moment, Rebecca lost a hundred IQ points." Henrietta remarked with a click of her tongue. "Tweek's going to dump her ass, watch. And then she's going to come crying to me and Lizzy again. Do you always have to fuck with her life?"

"Shut up! Give this beautiful, taut bombshell enough time to blow."

We observed the girl as she stumbled inside to the counter where a shocked and frightened Tweek stood.

Rebecca still whispered and spelled and jittered. Her tics the same. The same girl with a slightly different look. She was boring and uninteresting. She wasn't daring. After a bit of talking back and forth, after I thought all hope was lost, Tweek leaned forward...

"This is it!" I cheered. It worked! My training! The art of seduction!

...and he buttoned up her top buttons.

Henrietta's attention turned to me, grinning victorious all the while. "I don't think Tweek is that type of guy that likes sluts. Speaking of sluts, Tammy… we had a deal."

I banged my fists on the glass, shouting and yelling at Rebecca. She messed it up! She messed everything up! I was going to be a boring, uninteresting poodle girl just like her! My good looks, my charm! That was, until I saw a familiar noirette exit the café. Craig Tucker. I could still redeem myself.

Standing straight up, I grabbed his blue hoodie and dragged him in close. The last and final move in had in my deck. I had to. I lifted my shirt in one movement, raising it just above my chin. "Hello Tucker."

"Hello Warner," He stood there blinking slowly before lifting his shirt up as well, flashing his smooth chest to me. "Is this how people say hello now?"

I could feel my soul leaving my body as I deflated. Lizzy and Henrietta's eyes glinted. "Hope you like being a plain conformist!" the two snatched me up, like two little demons.

"You can make me like Rebecca! No! No, you can't!" I let out one more scream before they drug me off.

After that day, Tweek and Rebecca remained the same. Rebecca was no whore and they were back to solving puzzles on a Friday night and being extremely boring.

What I didn't know was that Craig began to flash people with a monotone, 'hi' afterwards. He became a serial flasher. I did make someone a whore… but not someone I expected.

So technically, I didn't deserve to look like a librarian crossed with a cat lady. I yanked at the hem of the distasteful puppy sweater I was currently wearing.

But at least I taught someone the art of seduction.


End file.
